“Given these two personality traits, one of my unapologetic, non conformist ways of living dictates that I avoid romantic relationships and that I most certainly do not have sex with friends.”

He told me he ‘genuinely liked’ me and I smiled. He listed my traits which appealed to him – the way I walked, the way I sat and crossed my legs, the smile in my voice and my non-conformist, unapologetic way of living. Again I smiled; after all it showed that he was attentive. But those words, though flattering, meant little to someone who did not want a relationship, plus they were uttered from a man who was involved.  We continued to have conversations as colleagues would and oft times we would go to lunch and reflect on our perceptions of the company and what we liked/disliked about our roles. We were becoming friends. Over the next few weeks during one of our conversations he confided that his partner became privy to an exchange between him and one of his friends where he expressed that he was unhappy and considered leaving her. I didn’t know him well, but I knew he wouldn’t leave since he previously indicated that he wanted to be a good dad to his son and leaving her would disrupt that family unit. I do not recall if I offered advise but I knew only he could make the decision and it was not my place to get involved in that decision making process. A couple weeks later, it happened. He hinted that he was desirous of having a physical relationship with me and admittedly I knew it was a matter of time before he wanted sex. After all, he is a man and I am awesome; not model standard, but good enough to turn heads. I reminded him that we worked together and it was best if we kept our relationship professional, plus we were becoming friends, which, if you knew me, meant that he would not be a suitable candidate. Let me take a moment to digress and share two fundamental  things which form the basis for my personality. 1) I am somewhat of a self professed slut and before you holier than thou persons start to judge, let me explain what I mean. Unlike most females my age, I have no interest in having children nor do I yearn to wed and settle down. I enjoy being single and the freedom it brings. As such I may not limit myself to one sexual partner and I have sex with whom I want. 2) I do not subscribe to the notion that ‘it is better to have loved and lost….’but rather cling to the quote by C.S Lewis which encapsulates the idea that ‘to love is to be vulnerable….’ (See full quote here) and allowing oneself to love is a recipe  for heartache and heartbreak.  Given these two personality traits, one of my unapologetic, non conformist ways of living dictates that I avoid romantic relationships and that I most certainly do not have sex with friends. One can say that the guys I befriend and the guys I have sex with are mutually exclusive and as such, having sex with him would be a clear deviation of this rule and I knew I needed to convey this to him. He thought I was strange; he thought it ridiculous that I would separate guys in this manner and moreover, it was to my detriment since, in his opinion, having sex with a friend could prove to be a beautiful experience. Whether this was true or not, it went against my rules and plus, I felt that he would say anything to convince me otherwise. The answer was still an emphatic ‘no.’ After all, the fact remained that he was my coworker and the thought of anyone finding out did not sit well with me. Additionally, the attraction was not reciprocated; he was not physically what I would usually go for, however his conversations and intellect were refreshing. The unanimous decision was made to keep our relationship strictly platonic outside of work where our encounters would be strictly professional. It also meant that future conversations, unlike a few previous ones, could not be salacious in nature since I would be accused of dangling sex in front of him knowing it would not be within his grasp.  We continued to have what one might consider, ‘intellectual intercourse,’ and quite frankly I enjoyed the attention and wanted it to continue. Sadly this desire for attention became impetus for promiscuity and conversations evolved into the lascivious type despite our previous agreement.  I began to entertain his advances and reciprocated the ‘dirty talk’; I even had debates with my inner self about what was so wrong with having sex with him, the best argument being that I should not be so shallow as to allow his appearance to hinder me from experiencing something potentially wonderful. That argument seemed sufficient, or maybe it was the alcohol, but that night, after meeting up for drinks I decided to take the plunge. In an all too high-school fashion, we had sex in his car in the car park of the restaurant.  What now? Will it be weird when we see each other at work? Thankfully we had the weekend to mull it over and naturally this was not my first rodeo so I knew how to handle such situations. I would pass him in the hallway and give the usual informal greeting and continue on my way so as not to create suspicion among other staff members; or at least that is how I handled it in the past. It was imperative that my privacy was maintained and it was my hope that he possessed a similar level of diplomacy. The beginning of a new work week came and thankfully things seemed normal; his actions were routine and did not in any way betray the events of the previous week. We continued to flirt in private, every now and then making plans to have another rendezvous. This was the start of our office affair.