Did she secretly crave intimacy and did he somehow find out?

She really liked him and it seemed unimaginable a life without him in it. She had not known him for very long but in that short six months, she felt like she knew him for a lifetime. He made her feel comfortable and she was her true self around him. This feeling was new; not her admiration for a guy, but admiration for someone who showed reciprocity. She was never one for relationships; close friendships and relationships were kept to a minimum. In fact most of her interactions with men were either categorized as friends or trysts. To the world she portrayed that she did not care for intimacy and men served only one purpose in her life. She spent several years building a wall around her heart and granted men access only to her body. She was free spirited and slept with whomever she chose. She was content.

They had met a few months prior. He showed no interest, he told her. She was not a suitable prey and there was no need to use his cunning and guile to capture her. She was admittedly witty and interesting but he didn’t consider her worthy of his chase. She was just someone who came into his life to assist with a business venture and conversations were very infrequent with him only checking in to relay any information pertaining to the business venture.

Over the weeks, messages became more frequent. His personality demanded that he used witty banter to maintain other’s interest and he would send her messages periodically to check in on her well being. She appreciated and entertained it and eventually found herself looking forward to his messages and to her surprise, it soon became evident that a friendship was budding.

The events over the next few months transpired quite rapidly. As platonic fondness grew, he introduced her to his friends and they started hanging out together, enjoying each other while still being mindful that neither wanted anything more; until that one night whilst out dancing, his ‘manhood’ betrayed all the commands of his mind and unilaterally decided that he wanted more. He did not let on but she felt a change and was now somehow faced with the decision of whether to exchange his ‘friend’ badge for that of a tryst. This decision seemed easy enough; she loved to laugh and he excelled at making her laugh. He made her very comfortable and she felt like she could say or ask him anything and she thought it prudent to reinforce that any romantic feelings remained suppressed and that they both agreed that they would continue to enjoy each other’s company as friends; but as if that agreement was a parental mandate issued to two rebellious children, they did just the opposite and soon enough, one night, she found herself laying on her back in her bed, legs apart, waiting to receive his hardened cock.

After he had deposited his seed in a condom, she lay there sorrowful and pondered the betrayal by her libido that had just taken place. She knew that the only response to this type of betrayal was to offer him the tryst badge and hoped that he graciously accepted. To her surprise he was stubborn and he did not make this uncomplicated process easy, for he expressed that he wanted both badges but she knew that the only way for him to have them both was if she also offered the key to the wall that surrounded her heart. This made her apprehensive and wary and she really wanted to retract her original offer but deep down she knew that it would come at the cost of giving up this new found fondness for this guy. It was at that moment that she made the bravest decision and chose to sacrifice her heart to fate. He was now in possession of the key.

The weeks that followed surprised her; their sexual encounters were frequent and ravishing and she found herself looking forward to his sleepovers. She had never had this type of intimacy before and she welcomed it. Did she secretly crave intimacy, she wondered. And did he somehow find out? The answer no longer mattered. She was enjoying his presence and how he made her feel. She was admittedly scared but she made a concerted effort to suppress that fear and live in the moment.

One night he had fallen asleep and she nestled next to him and listened to him snore. She was not yet sleepy and had the idea to record a video for him in the same way as he had done for her the previous day. She grabbed his phone and proceeded to record a message. The idea was that he would one day scroll through his gallery and see an intimate recording of her. She did not know this at the time but there could not be a worse idea than this because it was from this point that things between the two would never be the same. She was usually good at recording videos but that night showed that even the best have their failures. The recording was horrendous; the lighting was bad and her voice was muffled. She had to delete it at once but she did not have the pass code to his phone. Ugh..she thought, he shall surely be turned off by this when he sees it later and her intentions would have been met with scorn. But what could she do? She set his phone aside and resigned to the fact that she would feel humiliated some time in the future. She once again nestled against him and attempted to join him in slumber. “Get up”, her ego shouted. “You have to delete that video.” She fetched his phone from where she had laid it and did what any irrational, nonsensical individual would do and managed to unlock his phone with his sleeping thumb. She was ashamed of herself. She was never one to search another person’s device and her only comfort lay in the knowledge that she was doing it to save some imagined future embarrassment. She headed directly for his gallery, deleted the video and proceeded to lock his device but not before making her second mistake for that night. “As I am here, she thought, why not record the video, adjusting for the terrible audio and poor lighting so that his surprise is not ruined.” As such, she did just that. It was perfect this time; now all she had to do was triplicate her mistakes before returning the device to its original resting place. She wanted to send a copy to herself and unconsciously opened his messaging App. She immediately spotted her name and proceeded to open the chat in order to send the attachment. She needed to hurry so his surprise would be intact and so she would not be caught doing something which would be perceived as sinister. As she was about to attach and send, she noticed in her haste that she tapped on the wrong chat. Could her night get any more nerve wracking? She was soon about to find out.

Next she found herself doing something she frowned upon; she started to scroll through the chat and as she scrolled and read, her heart began to race. She started to feel sick and without much effort she began to sob. The messages were sent to another female; they were mostly conversational but they were also somewhat salacious at times. She recognized who the individual was because he had often shared some of their conversations with her; but even without recognizing the exchanges, she recognized the familiar face from the partial nude pictures which had been sent. Maybe this girl was trying to entice him she thought and surely it was one-sided. She continued to scroll and listen to some of the voice notes sent and within seconds she stumbled on one from him to her. Surely she would die tonight, for the quickened pace with which her heart beat could not be normal or sustainable. It was too much. She needed it to end. She deliberately deleted the video, locked the device and rest it where it once laid. She sat with her face in her hands and sobbed until she could sob no more. She felt a myriad of emotions until soon she felt anger the strongest. Her puffy eyes were now flaming and all she wanted to do was hurt him the way he had hurt her, but she felt helpless and numb. She was a combination of incensed and aching and she did not know what to do. She wiped the remaining tears from her eyes and woke him. He had not planned on sleeping over that night and for that she was grateful. They quickly said their goodbyes as was customary and he left without knowing what she had done.

That night proved to be one of her longest. She prayed for sleep and for morning to come for she naively thought that somehow her life would be reset with the rising of the sun. She did not sleep a wink; morning came and she felt the same. She knew that things between them could never be the same. She could not un-see or un-hear the messages and he could never trust her again once he found out what she had done. It was over and she vowed never again to offer her key to anyone.