She had it all planned; she had recited what she would say and decided on when she’d say it,  after all, timing is everything. She was tired of feeling the way she felt and even though she loved him, she knew she needed to do what was best for her; and he had proven that he wasn’t it. The last few months had been tumultuous at best and having this conversation was met with much trepidation but she understood that for her to have peace of mind she had to take this plunge. She went through every scenario in her mind surrounding the details of the conversation; how she would start, how he would react and how she needed to stay firm in her decision. She had ended things with him before over his many indiscretions and each time she found herself wavering at his apologies or explanations, only to forgive him and move on. But this last time was just too much for her. She thought she could move past it; it had been weeks since it happened but most days it was all she could think about. It disrupted her sleep and it caused an overwhelming feeling of constant distress. She knew she hid it well but she had grown weary of hiding. She wanted freedom but mostly peace and she recognised that if she allowed him to hold this pivotal role in her life she would never have that peace. It was necessary that he be demoted, not severed, but that he relinquished the title he currently held.
That day things didn’t go as planned for him; he had a busy and frustrating day and since she had earned the position of ‘rock’ he naturally turned to her for solace. He asked her if he could sleep over and without hesitation she agreed. “This isn’t going to be easy, ” she thought and then made the decision to postpone having the conversation. It wasn’t the first time she put his needs before hers and after all timing was everything. But as he lay next to her that night her sleep was interrupted as thoughts filled her head and she was once again reminded of why her decision was so crucial. She couldn’t wait for day break; she was both anxious and scared but knew that she’d feel a sense of relief once it was all over. After what felt like forever, morning finally came which meant it was now time to have the talk. Once again she could feel the apprehension brewing for fear of the unknown. She would miss those times when things were good and she was ignorant to that other side of him. She would miss their spontaneous drives and hanging out with his friends. She would miss his conversation, the way he made her laugh but mostly she would miss the closeness and intimacy they shared. He seemed to know her inside and out and this was evidenced when, that morning, he asked if she had something on her mind. It would appear that the mental warfare she felt emanated from within and took up residence on her face and he sensed that something was up. He pressed her for an answer and she knew it was time so with a lump in her throat had the conversation. It’s start was difficult, nothing she practiced was forthcoming but as she continued to talk, she was able to translate her thoughts into words. She mentioned how very miserable she had become and how she needed this quasi relationship to end. She explained that she still wanted to remain friends and that he could still seek advice from her. She let him know that she still wanted him in her life but not in the same position he currently held. She realised that it was more painful than she thought it would be and tears rolled down her cheek. She thought she would be relieved but understanding the finality in her decision, a feeling of melancholy swept over her. She looked at him; she could see the pain in his eyes; she hugged him and his pain became more apparent when he began to sob. She assured that this was not goodbye and she would still be there for him if he needed her. After they both finished crying it was time for him to leave her house so she wished him a safe journey and insisted that he kept in touch.  She felt somewhat relieved but knew that it would be a while before she could feel normal again but held on to the hope that, in time, everything would be okay and she would have the peace that she so craved.