You will never know the mess you made when you left. On the surface, she looks as though she is doing well; she focused on her education and managed to finally get what one would consider a decent job, a job which afforded her the opportunity not only to renovate the house you left, but also to purchase another, a job which allowed her to travel the world, something you were unable to do. But emotionally, she is weak, emotionally she suffered. Even 16 years later at age 40, she still cries herself to sleep pining after the memory of you. She hadn’t yet ‘settled down’ nor did she have any children and the thought of these two societal norms was far from her mind. She was afraid of commitment to the point where even the mortgage scared her and surely the idea of investing her time and effort into one person, only to have them leave like you did was not something she was keen on entertaining. In part, this was due to genetics but it was largely a result of your abandonment. You should have stayed longer, you should have imparted wisdom and life lessons so that life could have been so different for her. She would be happier, more financially stable and most importantly, not an emotional wreck. But instead you left, leaving her to fend for herself, flailing hopelessly and helplessly trying to do her level best but always seemingly coming up short. You left a void and nothing with which to fill it. But thankfully, she possesses resilience and tenacity and a constant longing to unearth the reason behind your abandonment in hopes that it somehow wasn’t all for naught. A longing that she will soon discover that there is purpose to the misery she has suffered over the years and that her eudemonia is soon within her grasp.

The pain washed over her like a violent wave, causing tears to flow. Carefully she turned her back to him, for fear that he would know. She didn’t want to wake him, his orgasm gave him peace, but within her amassed emotions that she needed to release. Their recent dispute though minor proved only to be a ploy, because the revelation that unfolded served only to steal her joy. Almost a year she had known him and he’d initially apprised her of some things; there would be no relationship, no intimacy, for this was merely a tawdry fling. This was surely perfect as she definitely felt the same, having always engaged in trysts and being the best player in the game. Their first encounter was for business, one she was encouraged to initiate, she was advised to feel his energy before she sealed her fate. He was a would be client, so on paper she did examine, both his personal and professional life and anything else she could imagine. And while these checks were considered prudent, her friends would all agree, that choosing the right people in business was paramount and a face to face meeting was key. Over the months he had proven to be a good client, making sure to pay his bills on time and before she had known it, he’d made his way to the front of the line. Amidst his excellence as a client, his character wasn’t without defect, for soon emerged a side of him she had no right to detect. A cardinal rule she had broken for she was drawn to him; she began mixing business with pleasure, a most regrettable sin. He treated her with kindness and acquiesced to her requests, he made sure that her needs were met and pleasing her, he did his best. His behavior was very confusing given his prior rules, sleepovers were not uncommon, was she his unknowing fool? This continued for months on end and her feelings began to show; how could she feel so much for this stranger she had barely gotten to know? Yet there she lay beneath him, her legs spread sufficiently wide, to grant access to his rigid cock, for this, he needed no guide. Her heart raced expectantly while his tongue caressed her breasts, her vagina now wet and longing, she dared not offer protest. As he slid his member into her, she let out a sigh of relief, her body was overcome with pleasure but this feeling would be quite brief. For her mind had started to wander to their recent conversation, where the knowledge that she wasn’t the only one became her revelation. For although in the beginning he did inform, of his wife and their separation, he didn’t think important to mention their continuous copulation. She wondered if this passion, was really hers to take, or behind closed eyes did he imagine that he was fucking his ‘ex’ mate. She tried her best to focus, maintaining wetness was the key, she wrapped her legs around his waist and gyrated rhythmically. Finally she felt his cock get harder and an orgasm was nigh indeed; and when he had managed his final stroke, in her he expelled his seed. When all was finished he rolled over and she turned her back to him, she could no longer suppress the pain or the tears she was bravely keeping in. She sobbed herself to sleep that night, and hoped for morning to be soon, she naively felt that with the rising of the sun would come the disappearance of her gloom.

Her legs spread sufficiently apart, creating access to her otherwise guarded vagina. She waited patiently for him to enter. She knew he was ready because she had just finished stroking his cock with her hands and she felt that it was now hard. As he lay on top, he continued to kiss her lips and suck on her nipples before expertly sliding his fingers into her as if seeking confirmation that his foreplay was effective. Having found the proof he desired, roles were exchanged and he finally allowed his penis to be reunited with her now very wet vagina.

They had been seeing each other now for almost 18 months and their most recent rift which surrounded a topic previously broached, compelled her to make the decision to gradually withdraw from him. She was unhappy for some time now and blamed her unhappiness on his lack of attention and intimacy. Admittedly she understood the past year was extremely busy for him juggling two jobs and she appreciated that her requests to spend time were usually met with a favorable response, however she resented the fact that she was always the one to initiate and plan all of their encounters. She felt that had she not ask, he would never offer his time and this made her extremely sad. He said he loved her and part of her wanted to believe it. She knew that he cared for her very much but she didn’t feel loved by him. Nonetheless for months she tried to accept that his lack of emotion toward her was a result of the stress of his jobs and resigned to the fact that maybe he does love her but his nonchalance is simply characteristic.

She laid on her back with her feet around his neck mentally commending herself for being somewhat flexible at her age. His thrusts were deep and she moaned with pleasure as he cupped her breasts in his hands. He too seemed to be enjoying himself and after several minutes of fucking, she was certain he would soon expel his seed all over her. She was familiar with his likes and she knew that he enjoyed watching his dick go in and out of her wet vagina and when his trademark question ‘whose pussy is this’ was answered, she knew it wouldn’t be long before he climaxed.

That day was different; his climax wasn’t timely, but instead he asked that she change position to the doggy style. She meekly obliged and hesitantly placed her chest on the bed while her ass was elevated to expose her vagina. She knew, like most men, he favored this position but for her she preferred to be the one to initiate it and willingly did so when either inebriated, playful or when she really wanted her suitor to climax quickly. She avoided it when she felt particularly vulnerable which is how she felt that day. Nonetheless, she acquiesced to his request and allowed him to have his way with her, believing that this part of the session would be short lived and his orgasm was imminent.

As his thrusts continued, it soon became evident that she was off her game that day and she seemed not to be in tune with the guy who stood behind her. Her mind started to wander and she did all she could so as to avoid him seeing her tears. She always thought that this position felt transactional and her qualm over the lack of intimacy only fueled the turmoil that waged in her mind. She willed him to finish but whenever she thought it would happen, there seemed to be a renewed fervor and his strokes continued rapidly. ‘Surely he’d recently been with someone else,’ she thought, deciding that was the reason for his vigor. ‘Surely she was why, even in his free time, he couldn’t find the time to be with her.’ She was overcome with emotion but dared not interrupt his flow. She blinked away the tears that filled her eyes and began to gyrate on his cock. She felt it pulse inside her and she was certain now that he would soon finish. Confirmation that she was back in the game soon came when moments later he gasped and with his final thrust, he reached his climax. He removed his dick from inside her and tenderly kissed her lower back and ass before heading to the bathroom to wash off. Alone in his room she could no longer contain her emotions and she allowed herself to sob. After a few minutes, she wiped her eyes and quickly dressed. He soon emerged from the bathroom and returned to his laptop where he worked before she arrived. She gathered her belongings and said her goodbyes and vowed that that would be their final encounter.

You are going to lose me; it’s inevitable and you’ll feel sorry for you’ll know it was your fault. Sorry yes, but not torn enough to fight for me, because we both know I’m just the one you’ve used to pass the time. Someone will come into my life and treat me the way I want to be treated and fill the void that you so callously created. You will miss me, but there will be a silver lining from all this.

You’ll be more careful, considerate, empathetic and loving to the next girl you decide to stick your dick in. You’ll make her feel worthy and loved and not merely like a friend with benefits. She won’t be confused about where she stands in your life because your actions and words will make it clear.

You will be at a different stage in your life and you’ll be ready to build with her. She won’t spend nights crying because you will choose her and make her a prority. It will no longer be, “that’s just how I am” as an excuse for your nonchalance because you will be different with her. She won’t have to chase you or always be the one to ask to be included in your time for you to ‘possibly’ make time to see her. Your invitation for her to come over will feel like you really want to see her and not that you had a few spare hours so ‘you might as well’ spend time and make it appear as though you care. You won’t have to acquiesce to her desire to spend time with you because you will be the one making plans for you both.

You would have grown and matured more and you’ll be ready and armed with the knowledge of how she wants to be treated and you’ll be prepared to willingly oblige because she will be the one that you actually love and not simply the one with whom you’re passing time.